Shit by Whit   |   A turd disguised as a Snickers bar squeezing it's way through the bowels of the constipated internet shooting for the sphincter.

Online Recipes and Reviews

Posted in Mr. Judy Homemaker Tips on December 22nd, 2021

I spend a fair amount of time online browsing recipes, usually looking for recipes that contain as many ingredients I already have so I don't have to go to the store.

Once I find a "possible keeper" I scroll down and read some reviews. This is a mistake if you're looking for reviews to validate your "try" or "don't-try" decision, but it's good for whoever is giving us the recipe, even if the recipe sucks! The more reviews - good or bad - the recipe gets, the higher it climbs in Google rankings.

Using Recipe Reviews to Get Traffic

So let's say you post a recipe for "Grandmas Old Fashioned Vermont Maple Brownies." First you give the history of this recipe... how you used to help your grandmother make them and how important maple syrup is up there in Vermont. You take a bunch of worthless photos of the preparations, maybe a video of you slicing carrots or something, then you get on to the actual recipe with directions.

  • Grandmas Old Fashioned Vermont Maple Brownies ingredients
  • 1 box Betty Crocker brownie mix
  • 1 egg
  • 1tbs oil
  • 1 cups Aunt Jemima pancake syrup
  • Grandmas Old Fashioned Vermont Maple Brownies directions
  • Mix it all up, pour it in a pan and follow directions on box.

The idea is that when people see "Aunt Jemima pancake syrup" instead of VT maple syrup which they're expecting because they spent big bucks on that VT vacation and they don't want that expensive souvenir bottle to go to waste, so they will raise hell! They don't want to drive to the store just to buy a bottle of Aunt Jemimas pancake syrup, they want to use that $49 bottle they brought back from Vermont, and that's good! The more they raise hell, the better the recipe will rank. A review like "nobody in their right mind in Vermont uses Aunt Jemima pancake syrup in their Vermont Maple brownies" and all the other "agree'rs" that follow - "yeah, us Vermonters don't use Aunt Jemima pancake syrup, we grow our own" are good.

Other entertaining and annoying things regarding online recipes:

Modifying the posted recipe without making it sound like the recipe sucked to begin with, like: "I followed your directions but instead of using Aunt Jemimas pancake syrup I used real VT maple syrup I brought back from our family vacation in Vermont. It's actually the second bottle, the first fell out and broke at the gas station in NY we stopped at because my husband had the runs. I made him turn that van around and go back to that little store on the side of the road and get me another bottle. I also used 'Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate Brownie Mix' instead of Betty Crocker because my brother-in-law looted a grocercy store and that's what he got."

Complaining about the recipe after modifying it: "I didn't have any ground beef to brown but I did have some liverwurst, so I browned that. I was also out of diced tomatoes so I used A1 Sauce, and instead of pinto beans I used canned green beans. Other than that I followed your instructions to a tee and my family hated it saying it was he worst chili they'd ever had. I give 1 star."

And there's never a reply or rebuttal from the owner of the recipe. I'd like to see someone reply with: "Look you ignorant non-cooking piece of shit, everyone knows the substitute for ground beef is Braunschweiger, not liverwurst, and the next time, try using apple sauce instead of A1 sauce you moron. Maybe it's you your family hates, not my chili!"

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Who were the Huguenots?

The Huguenots were a religious group of French Protestants who held to the Reformed, or Calvinist, tradition of Protestantism. The term has its origin in early-16th-century France. It was frequently used in reference to those of the Reformed Church of France from the time of the Protestant Reformation. By contrast, the Protestant populations of eastern France, in Alsace, Moselle, and Montbéliard, were mainly German Lutherans.

In his Encyclopedia of Protestantism, Hans Hillerbrand said that, on the eve of the St. Bartholomew's Day massacre in 1572, the Huguenot community made up as much as 10% of the French population. By 1600 it had declined to 7–8%, and was reduced further after the return of severe persecution in 1685 under Louis XIV's Edict of Fontainebleau.

The Huguenots are believed to have been concentrated among the population in the southern and western parts of the Kingdom of France. As Huguenots gained influence and more openly displayed their faith, Catholic hostility grew. A series of religious conflicts followed, known as the French Wars of Religion, fought intermittently from 1562 to 1598. The Huguenots were led by Jeanne d'Albret; her son, the future Henry IV (who would later convert to Catholicism in order to become king); and the princes of Condé. The wars ended with the Edict of Nantes, which granted the Huguenots substantial religious, political and military autonomy.

Huguenot rebellions in the 1620s resulted in the abolition of their political and military privileges. They retained the religious provisions of the Edict of Nantes until the rule of Louis XIV, who gradually increased persecution of Protestantism until he issued the Edict of Fontainebleau (1685). This ended legal recognition of Protestantism in France and the Huguenots were forced to either convert to Catholicism (possibly as Nicodemites) or flee as refugees; they were subject to violent dragonnades. Louis XIV claimed that the French Huguenot population was reduced from about 900,000 or 800,000 adherents to just 1,000 or 1,500. He exaggerated the decline, but the dragonnades were devastating for the French Protestant community.

The remaining Huguenots faced continued persecution under Louis XV. By the time of his death in 1774, Calvinism had been nearly eliminated from France. Persecution of Protestants officially ended with the Edict of Versailles, signed by Louis XVI in 1787. Two years later, with the Revolutionary Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen of 1789, Protestants gained equal rights as citizens.